So, this is not a post about Art, photography, music or poetry but my heartbreak on losing a really good friend of mine. He's not dead or anything, it was just in the best interest of everyone for us to "break-up". Although I'm the one who did the "breaking-up", he hurt me in a way that's just not acceptable, there was no going back. And to be honest being friends with him wasn't beneficial to me anymore. I don't mean that in a selfish way, just that he has a lot of dark things around him and they were starting to bleed into my life. I tried I really did, but in the end it was just too much. I still love him of course, I will probably for a long time, I haven't seen him since last summer but it still feels like it happened just yesterday. I've been through the whole crying my eyes out, depressed to hell with life, maybe I made the wrong decision thing for months. And then I was okay for a little bit and now I'm just not. We have a lot of mutual friends, so I hear about him and it's like twisting the knife in deeper. I miss him so much, now that he's gone there's this stain he left on my life. You know you don't really realize some one's affect on your life until they're not there anymore. I look around and all I see is him, not just in my memories but on my shelves and walls. I was telling my therapist; I don't know what to do it's just too much, should I put it away in a box like couples do ha ha. And she said maybe you should try that and see how it feels. So I did, I put everything in an old red suitcase I have, wrote his name on it and put it away.
Some things I put in it:
The fabric I wore in my hair and jewelry for senior ball, he was my date.
Books he gave and lent me. This was actually a really disturbing manga I wish I had never read.
The millions of picture we took in Japan Town
Bows I bought at this Japanese clothing boutique opening, he was so excited and it was pretty cool. But now I can't even remember the name of it.
And a red hello kitty back pack I used to wear when we'd go to the city, he loved it. Some portraits he drew of me, bus transfers.
It was a hard process but cleansing, I felt lighter afterward just the symbolism of putting him away helped me. I felt free.
I woke up this morning and now I feel like all that work just opened up a whole bunch of crap and now I feel awful. Like I'm the only one not coping.
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